I was blue

I got really good at stretching the truth hiding facts to suit others

I couldn’t tell anyone what was going on at home so I made up a life

not too different from my real one

one where my parents cared for me

not just took care of me

but put care into me

I still do that

truth bending

I omit details to suit

it’s mostly small things

like not mentioning a name

or full details

to avoid conflict I curate events

I keep things separate

because I’ve learned how to strategize emotion

how to give you just enough

and keep the rest for myself

if guilt was a color it would be blue

like 5am in the summer

it’s not a warm blue

it gets burned away by the sun

it’s a blue that sits on my chest

and begs me to lift it

it’s a blue that screams

why didn’t they love me